I'm not transitioning, Instagram. Seriously.

Consider this a cautionary tale for women who graduated high school in 1996.

Beware of what searching for options to ease perimenopause symptoms will do to your algorithm. Or, at least be prepared for the 10000000% increase in chicks with dicks that you’re about to enjoy on your Instagram feed.

Perhaps get some popcorn ready?

I don’t know. The struggle is real. So far I’ve shared my predicament with one group chat and my husband. Not surprisingly, I’ve received laughs and one friend telling me that they love that journey for me.

I have to admit, that was well-played, Nicole.

To combat the onslaught of very pretty ladyboys, I’ve invested hours of interacting with Instagram to re-teach it that I want romantasy shadow daddy content, photos of small Japanese trucks being transformed into mobile romance bookstores, capybaras enjoying hot springs, and (thanks to Kaitlyn) a hilarious video of someone reading the text on a plastic bag in Galadriel’s voice with Lord of the Rings music in the background.

I think I’ve rescued my algorithm, but if you value the careful curation of your feeds, whatever you do, don’t attempt to research HRT on Instagram (or anywhere else) without clarifying that you are a menopausal woman. You won’t like what happens if you fail to heed my advice.

If you’re ahead of me on this journey and have thoughts on how to stop my bed from becoming a sweaty swimming pool every night, hit me up.